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it's been a tough month because my grandma passed away. I have never… - my thoughts (although few) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jun. 1st, 2006|08:30 pm]
it's been a tough month because my grandma passed away. I have never felt so far away from home the moment i found out. It's strange because i wasn't really sad for my grandma, i was happy for her because she gets to be with my grandad again. She started getting real ill after he passed, and i think she slowly dies of a broken heart more than anything else. She was 88 the day she dies, so you can't really ask for more can you?he lived a long, eventful life full of love and family. I'm going to miss her. I was so sad for my mum. She spent everyday going 3 times a day to look after grandma, she was her home help. I felt so sad for my mum because she's dedicated so much time and energy into keeping grandma happy. I hope she doesn't feel like a failure like she did when grandad died. My mum is such a saint. I really wanted to go to the funeral, to say goodbye and hug my parents and sister, instead i was selling overly priced prom dresses to overly skinny teenagers with more money then sense. It's been hard to forgive myself for being so far away at a moment that is meant to be about family and pulling together to greive. I know she'll forgive me though.
I miss my friends all the time....
laura, i miss the drama and the laughter through tears we used to share, watching extreme makeover and top model together, i don't have that comfortable silence with anyone here except shane, and that's different;)
tori, i miss the way you'd inspire me to paint or write or read something i wouldn't usually pick up. I have spent waaaay too much time in front of the box instead of going on little mind adventures and being silly for no reason.
mia, i miss having someone to talk frankly with, to say whatever is on my mind no matter how many expletives are in there. And someone to talk to about the latest vogue or glamour.
nic, i miss you being around, no matter how far you go i always feel like we're sisters or something, like everything goes back together straight away, i'm at thge stage where it's an effort to be with my new friends, because they're new. And i can't replace you guys, so there's a hole therey'know. Does that make any sense? I spent 18 months of my life winging about how i wanted to "gt to america alredy", i took you all for granted. For that i'm sorry. I want you to know you guys have never left my heart or my head, and i miss you every day. I guess that's what death does to you. It makes you realise how fragile you are, how you could disappear, and the rest of the world keeps turning.

From: jelliclekitty
2006-06-03 09:19 pm (UTC)

Why in God's name didn't you say anything in your email?! I wish I could be there to help you but I have no money and alas no means of transportation!

I miss you dearly and I think about you everyday, no exaggeration. There's a hole in my life where you used to be and I have to avoid addressing it because it hurts to see it there all dark and empty.

I Love You and dont for one second think you took me for granted, except that one time..., kidding!

I'll always be here for you, no matter the distance we'll get throug life together.

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From: msfulwood
2006-06-03 10:56 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: solomonjr
2006-06-04 03:02 pm (UTC)
Oh Lynne, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. I know how worried you are a while ago when you knew how sick she was and you were upset you couldn't be there for her and your mum. I know she will forgive you. She is in a better place now and believing in that will make you stronger. It is such a difficult thing that you can't come home whenever you want to, but it won't be forever. We will always always be here for you whenever you come back and maybe pop over to see you too....when I get some money! You are always in my heart and my head and I miss you so so much, but true friends last a lifetime and no matter how far apart we are, we will always go right back to where we were when we come back together. The memories have bonded us....noone quite made a first impression on me like you did with cream soda coming out of your nose!

Stay strong and stay in touch.

Love you always

Mia xxx
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[User Picture]From: torijwatson
2006-06-04 09:01 pm (UTC)
Hey love, I wish I'd known! Remember a certain "with you in your dreams". It always helped me in those times. I don't really know what to say except that I love you and it will get easier. It is so true that she's in a better place now. And I know know that your mum understands. As does your grandma. I bet she's thrilled that you're getting on with your life and following your dreams. As am I. I'm so proud of you, you've been so brave.

Everyone else has said it better than me, so I'm not going to try. Just know that I love love love love love love love love LOVE L.O.V.E. you with bells on and a cherry on top and I am sending every single drop of good wishes and mystical hugs and prayers and good thoughts I can muster from this little body of mine.

As for being less than inspired, I'm the same, spending too much time watching tv and not enough time with real people, although this week I've seen nearly all my family and worked my butt off! (No joke of a lie). I wish there was someway I could inspire you from over here. Hmmm... *strokes beard*. Well, in my creative efforts to show you a) what talents I have to offer and b) how much I miss you, I have made you a little movie to remind you of just how silly we can be when we put out minds to it.


Oh yes. Bonafide. We're so hot.

I know new friends are hard. I don't think I've made any new friends since moving to Leeds. It's just hard and all I want to do is run back to Newcastle and hang out in the Tyneside. But soon they'll be old friends or at least current friends and it will be easy. You're a beauty of a gal with gallons of what I like to call shabaam!!! Ahem... charisma, charm and personality!

We are fragile, if we choose to be. Or we can knock everyone dead from ten paces and make that big impression. You have already made that impression. Like you're never going to forget how wonderful your grandma was, we're never going to forget you at all. Heck, we couldn't even if we wanted to - you're a part of me, like my pancreas or my butt cheeks. I need you in my life.

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From: (Anonymous)
2006-06-04 09:25 pm (UTC)
thanks doll.Although, not quite sure how good i feel about being likened to an ass cheek;P I loved the movie tho! When was that taken? HIgh school? Totally awesome!
Love you oodles and oodles chickadee
lynne xx
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